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Archer makes a bonehead mistake and brings his dog, Porthos, down to a planet full of obnoxiously high maintenance aliens. Porthos gets infected with an alien disease and ends up in sickbay under the care of Dr. Phlox. Archer is distraught, but he’s also extremely horny! And no, that’s not a typo. Phlox diagnosis Archer with an extreme case of blue balls and then decides to drown Porthos and poke around in his brain with a metal rod. Archer is left with “A Night in Sickbay” and his grasp on reality begins to crumble due to poor scripting and strange character choices.
The Wikipedia plot summary for “A Night in Sickbay”:
After a five-day away mission spent apologizing on the planet Kreetassa, the away team consisting of Captain Archer, Sub-Commander T’Pol, Ensign Sato, and Archer’s dog, Porthos, return to the ship to decontaminate. Porthos has acquired a pathogen on the planet surface and must be quarantined. Archer learns from Commander Tucker of the ship’s need for an extra plasma injector from the Kreetassans, but negotiations break down after it is discovered that Porthos had urinated on a sacred tree, insulting the Kreetassans. Archer reacts poorly to the news and is given a list of requirements he must meet in order to apologise.
He and Doctor Phlox then tend to Porthos, and Archer spends the night in Sickbay to be with his pet. Throughout the night, as Porthos’ immune system weakens, Archer experiences Phlox’s side of life in Sickbay. During the night, as he dreams of Porthos’ funeral, Archer also deals with unresolved and suppressed sexual tension with T’Pol. He also relates to Phlox how he met Porthos, and how he was the last in a litter of four male puppies, the ‘Four Musketeers’. Through it all, Archer struggles to reach an emotional understanding with Phlox and T’Pol, as the two alien senior-crew members have little grasp of the human-pet relationship, and Phlox keeps offering Archer unsolicited advice about dealing with his apparent feelings for T’Pol.
T’Pol, working out in the gym, also keeps urging Archer to apologize to the Kreetassans for Porthos’ behavior, but Archer resists because he blames them for Porthos’ illness. In the end, Porthos recovers following a pituitary transplant from an alien chameleon. Finally swallowing his pride, Archer then goes down to the Kreetassan capital and delivers an intricate ritual apology which involves slicing a tree trunk with a chainsaw, arranging the pieces of wood in a complex pattern on the ground, and chanting phrases in the Kreetassan language. Having successfully apologised to the Kreetassans, the crew finally manage to procure three plasma injectors prior to their departure.
In this episode of the podcast, Wes and Clay discuss bringing your dog everywhere you go! Plus, the guys talk about using a chainsaw while very sweaty, T’Pol being the focus of the male gaze, and choosing whether to save your dog or a random stranger!